My Bible is permanently cracked open to the page that I last left off. I cannot stop reading. Not because it’s always interesting {it’s not} it’s because of the one random detail I never noticed before. A small fact that had previously slipped my notice or was long ago forgotten.
There’s a book that rests beside my Bible filled with notes on random things. If you peeked inside you might find a comment on how old Aaron was when he died, how crazy the Israelites are to constantly complain over and over again when God is sure to hear them and how not much has really changed as it still happens. There are quotes and scripture references to go back to in the future. It’s probably something I’ll never read again but at the time I felt like I had to remember whatever it was I wrote down. So it’s written. It is written.
I have no idea why I’m doing this. I’ve read large chunks of what I’m reading before. I am a little crazy I think.
I’m not getting anything accomplished really. When I’m not doing this I’m reading Andy Stanley’s book Next Generation Leader and talking about it with my optometrist who then encouraged me to abandon everything and go to the Drive Conference in Atlanta. It was tempting. I’d love to be filled spiritually and find some new direction.
This might seem like rambling and I believe that it is but that’s truly where I sit right now. I’m feel like we’re weaving through the desert heading into the promised land and I’m surrounded by people who don’t believe it, cannot fathom it, would push it away. There are others who stand with me. Others who stand apart and believe that things are possible but I wonder where our Moses is. Who will lead us and push us and say the tough things?
I guess I should mosey on over to the New Testament and see what Jesus has to say for this week but my heart still hangs back with the Israelites as they threaten to enter the promised land. Will they do it? Will it actually happen for them?
Of course we know the answer. We would know the answer for ourselves too if only we would trust. The question is when will we do that? When will we trust?
I probably should stop reading. I probably should stop worrying about others and think about where I’m going to go next. It’s just not likely to happen. It’s not really my style.
So here I sit. Reading and thinking. Praying and reflecting. Coming up with more questions instead of the answers I seek. God is funny sometimes and I look forward to seeing where this all leads.
