Allowing myself to be vulnerable is something I’ve always struggled with. I am often wary of letting others see who I really am for fear that they might not appreciate it. As I age I find myself probing deeper and really trying to get to the heart of myself which has let me with some questions. How have I changed? What do I need to change? How can I become the person God created me to be?
The answers come with more questions. Why have you not listened? Why have you not made time? Why are you not open to the changes within that I desire for you? Fun, right? Questions, questions, questions…
I have decided the endless loop of questions must cease and I’m going to work towards answering some of these questions. This means I must allow myself to be vulnerable though. I must allow myself to be seen and present myself as who I am to the people I’m with. That part of this task is hard. I’ve been exploring some methods of self-expression through fashion which I’ll admit has been fun for me. I have been more cautious in the past and I’m enjoying this exploration into the fashion world and the insights it’s given me for my own life. Since experimenting externally I’m freer with internal expression as well which is lovely. All parts of us, all of our interests and desires help make us who we are so I know now there is a reason for my monthly InStyle purchase and when I wrap up here I will go sit in a corner and read it with no shame.
Self-expression is allowing oneself to be vulnerable, to be open to judgment and comment. It’s not an easy state of being but vulnerability is a huge part of being a Christian and we need to be open to that experience. Allowing oneself to be vulnerable to love, to service and to God is no easy feat. God is a terrifyingly wonderful experience if we open ourselves up to it but that’s often easier said than done. A relationship with God means letting God into the parts you’d rather ignore alongside the good stuff. When we participate in a relationship with God we allow our weakness to be seen and that can be frightening.
Faith in Christ is not safe but it is wonderful. When we open ourselves up and allow ourselves to see and be seen we discover along the way who it is that God created us to be. This version of ourselves should be enough for we were created in his image. We were created, formed and are loved by God. He knows our weaknesses yet loves us anyways! When we let go of our fear and move forward with him we may find a strength we hadn’t know we could possess, we may find the person he created us to be.
I’m looking for that person. I think I’ve found her, well most of her anyways…
“…For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 2 Corinthians 12:10
Do you struggle with allowing yourself to be seen?
