Last week a sigh slipped through my lips as I left my son at school after yet another easy drop off. He had finally settled in. He was content. There was a teacher he loved, friends he had fun with and activities he enjoyed. His speech was improving. His confidence was soaring. I was happy. This morning another sigh slipped through my lips, an angry, disgruntled sigh. Today we were told my son was moving to a different class, with only one of his friends. He burst into tears and was devastated. He was finally comfortable and then it was gone. His comfort vanished and I found myself frustrated and helpless.
They are shuffling the deck so to speak and I am not really sure why nor can they tell me. This is probably the hardest part of being a Mom for me. I can’t make everything perfect for my little guy and it wouldn’t do him any good if I could. He needs to learn that there are some things in life you cannot control. That sometimes you just have to roll with whatever comes your way. I’m just so tired of constantly being the family who’s nice and flexible.
We are told this all the time and it’s starting to wear on me. Jesus never said “blessed are the flexible”, did he? He doesn’t seem to focus on being likeable, or agreeable at all. He focusses on what we should be doing. How we should be living and as I sit here in my frustration I know I should be loving. I should be practicing love and giving love. I should be finding the reasons this is good. He can learn from change. He can meet new friends. He can adapt and grow and discover new parts of himself.
And even after writing it all down I’m still just sitting here feeling sunk. I have no control over their decisions or actions. I can only respond and I guess I that means that I should follow Christ and act in love while letting go. This is the hard part of following Christ, the letting go. I’m working on it. Every day it’s something I work on. Eventually I’ll get there I suppose.
