So much has happened here. The boys are growing like weeds. I swear the tiny one (who honestly is not so tiny anymore) grew an inch last night. They are playing together at the moment and I am sitting, buried behind the screen feeling like I should at some point write so I guess that point is now. I haven’t wanted to write. There were pressure and worries, concerns and tasks that had to be tended to. Then my Gran passed. The lovely woman who lived with us for 91 years suddenly ceased to be present and while we knew her time was not infinite there is nothing so finite as death. So we lived and loved and grieved and prayed through Christmas all the while wondering what was to come, where we were going and what would happen next.
What is happening next? Who knows. I’m not too sure about what’s happening next as I’m living in the now. I’m attempting to cleanse my home with the KonMari method and while it works, it’s hard work. While it works, it’s endless at times. While we’re finding order in the chaos I find it’s forcing me to confront some things I didn’t realize were festering. How do you approach a bookshelf filled with resources for ministry and purge them when you’re not sure who you are as a minister? What do you keep? What do you get rid of? How do you approach a folder of ideas for spiritual growth when you realize that perhaps a return to work would happen at a time when these ideas were not so relevant? How do you see who you are in the midst of who you were? The KonMari method is wonderful but should you attempt it I warn you it will be at times frightening.
So here I am. Returning once more to the pages of this blog after a four month absence. I’m excited to see where it will go. I’m excited to see what will happen when I write. I’m excited to share with you a smoothie recipe or two. I may have been silent here but I’ve lived life fully. There were chocolate-peanut butter waffles shared with boys who got sticky and smeared it everywhere. There were the last conversations with a woman who inspired and encouraged as she waited for what was to come. There were sermons written and delivered. Attempts at exercise that really we probably shouldn’t talk about. And the books? Oh the books I’ve devoured and settled in to. Life keeps happening in moments of creative drought. Life keeps happening and if you live it, the spirit will return once more. Here’s the beginning of the search for the spirit I guess. The opening of a door to allow it’s winds to rush through once more.