When my sister was in grade school she memorized the book ‘Purple, Green and Yellow’ by Robert Munsch to give as a school presentation. I can remember her practicing her delivery and the phrase ‘super indelible never come off until your dead and maybe even later’ has stuck with me to this day. The little girl desperately wanted markers like her friends and when she gets her hands on some ‘super indelible never come off until your dead and maybe even later’ markers she makes her mark, on herself and there’s no getting it off.
Lately in my reflections and prayers, I’ve come to understand that I have a super indelible never come off until your dead and maybe even later mark on my heart for God’s people and the ministry I am called into. Even with all of the difficulties that come with this work and the frustrations I feel with the church and it’s insanity I still believe it’s worth fighting for and something I am called to work at. I’ve come to a place of peace with the fact that God will not let go which is a rather large step for me. I wonder now that I’ve accepted these realities, some 14 years after my first toe dip into the waters of ministry what will God do with me?
As I have come into these realizations, I’ve also noticed something deep within myself. I’ve changed. I’ve surrendered.
In surrendering I’ve found something amazing. I have no worries. I have concerns of course for the future and for what we will be doing as a people of God but I’m not worried anymore. I realize it’s in God’s hands and we have to make choices to move with God. I’ve realized that there is a place for me, it might not be big or flashy but it is a place that God has carved out for me to do work for him and that work is work I love to do. The fact that God even wants to use me is pretty amazing so I am grateful to have the opportunity to work with God in this messy business.
I’ve surrendered and now I wait. I wait to be moved and changed and pushed where I need to go. I wait to discover the permanent place God wants me. I’ve surrendered into waiting and in that waiting I’m learning patience, trust and exercising more faith than I might’ve thought possible.
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Have you surrendered? How has it freed you? I’d love to hear your story…
