The disconnect.

24 Feb posted by

My husband has been dropping my son off at his school on his way to work so he’s been taking the family car. We only invested in one car seat as lets face it, they’re expensive. As a result I’ve been spending more time in our other car. It’s a basic, no frills added CR-V that gets you from point a-b very well. The thing I miss when I’m driving it is my iPhone connector. I have to listen to the radio. There is no pre-made playlist by me.

It has in a strange way been a good thing. While I like to have control of my musical destiny, listening to the radio has forced me to discover new music that I might have overlooked or never experienced as I rely heavily on John Mayer, Mumford and Sons and Jack Johnson to get me through the day. As a result of this forced radio companionship I’ve discovered new music that gives me a chance to see what’s going on in the world.

I love the melancholy sounds of Lorde as she sings Royals. The lyrics are so different from usual pop music. The sound is sparse compared to a lot of what is out there and there isn’t a lot of distraction within the track. It stands out in a set of music because it is so different from everything else. I also find myself enjoying the change in Eminem as he’s grown as an artist. It’s a rather interesting evolution. Eminem is on the radio regularly here (hazards of listening to Detroit radio I suppose). Headlights in particular displays a completely different side to him as an artist and while I’m not going to recommend him to you as he’s slightly profane, it’s what’s out there right now. This is the music that is on the radio. This is what society hears, engages in and is connected to. I haven’t been connected to it. I’ve been connected to my own music, to the things that appeal to me. Being forced to expand my musical repertoire has made me realize how disconnected I am to that which I don’t like.

This disconnect is normal in the human experience. We all tend to gravitate towards the things we like. We watch shows we like. We listen to music we like. We find people we like. We find churches we like. It extends to everything, doesn’t it? Even faith. Think about the way you express yourself. You probably engage with one aspect of God that is more comfortable to you. I lean into the spiritual side of life and embrace God in the every day moments. Friends of mine find God deep in theological tomes while others embrace the big highs that come from mountain top experiences. There is nothing wrong with any of those things. They are all authentic, real ways of engaging the one who created us. The trouble comes when we forget that the other ways of engaging God which we may not be comfortable with are real and in fact may be good for us to experience. Broadening our horizons and expanding our understanding of God can only help us as we seek to live a life in relationship with him.  

I think I need to make an effort to expand how I view my faith and relationship with God. I want to begin reading the Bible in new ways, not just the ways that are comfortable to me. I need to discover new forms of prayer and expression. I could stand to discover new music, new translations and new interpretations. When we become too comfortable, we become complacent. I never wish for my relationship with God to be complacent and disconnected.

What about you? Do you find yourself compartmentalizing your faith and approaching it from the same angle each time? Do you think you need to expand your horizons and meet God in other venues and other ways?

 

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The common cold

12 Feb posted by

Did Jesus get colds? Probably. They happen to everyone, don’t they. For the past week and a half we’ve been battling colds in this house. My husband and son were both quite sick and I started to feel pretty good about myself. That’s when things go sour, isn’t it? Never feel good about how healthy you are. I woke up this morning with a sore throat and congestion. Just as the boys are getting better I am getting sick.  It’s the circle of life in a way.

Colds are excellent reminders of our weakness as humans. The remind us that we are not impenetrable and it’s awfully discouraging to realize a tiny virus that we can’t even see can enter our body and destroy it’s equilibrium. I’m not pushing through this cold today. I’m no hero nor am I stupid. I saw what pushing through did for my son and husband and it is my hope that by surrendering I will be able to overcome it much faster.

Surrendering is often seen as a weak thing to do. We talk of winners vs. losers but in life sometimes you have to surrender to pull ahead. I thought it appropriate that this morning the Bible verse in my study was one which spoke about surrender.

Then he called the crowd to him along with his disciples and said: 
“Whoever wants to be my disciples must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.  - Mark 8:34

Now I’m not saying this cold is my cross. I’m not even saying it’s a spiritual struggle but I will say that it’s a good reminder of the need to surrender. We need to let go of control. We need to let go of ourselves and our own agendas and move with God in his path. Surrender in faith is ok, in fact it’s kind of required.

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Wise words from Mr. The King.

5 Feb posted by

lightening

My son has been home sick the last couple of days. It’s nothing serious, don’t fret. He had a fever and some aches but is now in recovery mode. He’s been resting on the couch with his cars, trains and books.  We’ve been watching videos when it’s too much effort to play and then there are the naps.  He’s napping again.  I can’t remember the last time he napped willingly.

One of his favourite videos right now is the movie Cars.  We only watch the race scene.  He’s too busy to do much more but he loves watching the cars go round and round and fight it out at the end. We always end it shortly after one of my favourite interactions. I love the message that comes in the conversation between the rookie Lightning McQueen and the experienced Mr. the King when they meet following that first race.

The King: “Hey buddy.  You’re one gutsy racer.”
Lightning McQueen: “Oh hey, Mr. the King.”
The King: “You got more talent in one lug nut than a lot of cars has got on their whole body.”
Lightning McQueen: “Really? Oh, that -…”
The King: “but you’re stupid. This ‘aint a one man deal kid. You need to wise-up and get you self a good crew chief and a good team. And you ain’t gonna win unless you got good folks behind you, and you let them do their job, like they should. Like I tell the boys at the shop…”

I think what The King says here is pretty smart. Life isn’t a one man deal. We don’t live it entirely in isolation, free from impact or need. Relationships are important. People are important. In order for us to be who we are created to be we need to invest in the people around us. We need to realize just how important the supporting players are in our life to our story. It goes beyond that too, doesn’t it? In life we aren’t always the star. Sometimes we play a key supporting role to someone else on their journey.

Our strength and success in life doesn’t just come from within. No one stands alone. Our success comes from the strength we receive in the support we get from others. As we walk through today, let’s remember to play our supporting parts well and appreciate those who support us daily, including God. Today let’s throw up many prayers of Thanksgiving for the strength and care he provides in our lives.

Be strong and bold; have no fear or dread of them, because it is the Lord your God who goes with you; he will not fail you or forsake you.” – Deuteronomy 31:6 NIV

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I’m lucky enough to have a fridge…

5 Nov posted by

Red cup

I woke up in the best of moods this morning. Our morning was wonderful. After a lovely breakfast and enjoyable lounge about, I dropped my son off at school, headed to Superstore to grab a few essentials and on my way home stopped at my local Starbucks for a hot chocolate. It was rather indulgent but I felt like it was time for my first red cup of the season. I arrived home, cup in hand to the rather shocking revelation that my fridge had died.  It seems the freezer went first. Everything on the bottom was completely thawed but the fridge sometime in the not so distant past had joined in and stopped working as well. It is trying. I’ll give it that. There are some strange sounds coming out of it but nothing was particularly cold and I was starting to understand why my morning cereal wasn’t appetizing. Lukewarm milk is never a good thing with ancient grain O’s.

After spending the morning cleaning out my freezer, moving things downstairs to the pantry fridge and cleaning up the water that was everywhere I have realized a few things about life.

1: I am incredibly blessed. I had a full fridge that I needed to save. There was food and fuel for my family that many others do not have access to.
2: I have a fridge in the basement and the ability to save the upstairs contents. Very little waste and a fairly easy solution.
3: I was able to get that food where it needed to go.  I am mobile and healthy and perfectly capable of handling a crisis. It’s a nice thing to be able to manage and a blessing to have a body which allows me to do so.
4: I will get another fridge. It’s not something we had planned for but we will do it.

A dead fridge isn’t fun. There’s all the running about and cleaning up but it’s done now and that’s a good thing. While the day may not have been what I expected it was filled with truth and realizations. We are blessed and for that I am truly grateful.

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I suppose that’s something, isn’t it?

1 Nov posted by

photo (25) 2
I waited a year for this book. I really enjoyed the first two in the series. This one, meh. I have no desire to even finish it two thirds of the way through. The two main voices are virtually identical making very difficult to follow and it’s frustrating me. I cannot bring myself to open it up again. I’ve already read another book in the mean time.

There is something to be said for consistency. You come to expect something and you want it to be a certain way. When change happens and you’re not expecting it, it can be shocking and unpleasant if it’s not executed well. In the case of this series the author moved from one voice to two and it wasn’t smooth or easy. Change requires planning and this felt more like an experiment gone wrong.

These thoughts on the book had me thinking about the church, change and all the wonderful emotions that go with it. Even the slightest of changes can wreak havoc on an unsuspecting parishioner. From a new minister to having the pulpit moved five inches to the right, people have become accustomed to having certain things done in certain ways. How do we navigate through the necessary changes and help ease people into it? Are we being intentional with change or just letting the wind whip through and blow everything here and there causing chaos and confusion?

I was disappointed in this book but it did remind me that change must be navigated carefully and intentionally so I suppose that’s something, isn’t it?

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Insanity

3 Oct posted by

My son used to sleep beautifully.  He would wake up around 7:15 and our morning would begin. Before that I could sneak in some quiet time, rest with God, the Bible and prayer.  Lately he’s been getting up earlier and earlier.  Now at 5:30 he runs down the hall, throws the door open and declares it’s time to get up.

It’s insanity.

I cannot stop it. His inner clock is apparently set to this time. I’ve tried putting him back to bed, encouraging quiet play and saying straight up that we don’t get up at the horrid hour of 5:30. He doesn’t care. He thinks it’s funny and wants family time. We must all be together, reading and playing. We must all enjoy each other. I blame school. I think he misses the time we used to spend together so he wants to cram it all in before he heads off to play with his friends.

I really can’t complain about that. It’s love and he’s adorable even when I’m dragging my sad, stiff body out of bed to play with Mike and Sully on a hard cold floor. What I have been struggling with however is my loss of quiet time. I had a nice little routine going. More time with God, reading the Bible and prayer is good for the soul. I don’t want to give it up and I haven’t. Here’s how I’ve been coping through this change:

  • First and foremost I shoot off a prayer first thing even if it’s only a line long.  This morning it was a simple – I’m sorry this prayer sucks God but I’m being dragged off and I want to connect with you even if it’s just for a moment. These can be surprisingly connective and a reminder that later in the day one needs to sit down and really settle into prayer.
  • After this if I can’t set aside a huge chunk of time I steal moments. I try to cover the important things in segments throughout the day. If I go to bed knowing that at some point I have given thanks, turned over my needs, prayed for others, lived in relationship with God and tried to centre my life around Jesus and his teachings I feel like I’ve accomplished something even if it was short bursts throughout the day. Never underestimate the power of a short burst at your desk, while washing your dishes or even during your morning shower.
  • My Bible App and I are best friends. While I love a solid paper version of the Bible there is something to be said for the Bible apps you can find. YouVersion always pops up with a verse of the day for those days that you are really crunched for time. There are plans and read throughs which can be long or short depending on your preference. Having a daily schedule is helpful and if you fall behind there’s a catch up feature which is grace in iPad form that’s totally free.
  • Last but not least I cut myself some slack and remember that if things don’t work out today, they will tomorrow. The most important part of putting God first is recognizing that some days I will fail and failure once doesn’t mean I have to give up. There’s always tomorrow.

Why am I telling you this? Well, sometimes we all need a reminder that life happens. Some seasons are busier than others and our relationship with God may look different during those seasons. The important piece is that we maintain that relationship and fight for those moments throughout the day where we connect and engage.

Whether you’re able to give it a full hour in the morning or at night, brief snatches of time throughout the day or something in between it’s all good. Just keep doing what you can. Because some seasons are insane. Some days are long and busy but when you squeeze God in the mix you’ll find the day runs smoother and your faith will grow. It’s crazy here right now but that doesn’t mean I have to cut my personal time. It just looks a little different than it used to and different isn’t bad, it’s just different.

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Today I am wearing a cross.

11 Sep posted by

Cross

I almost never wear a cross. It’s not cause I don’t love Jesus, I do. It’s because I got out of the habit of doing so and never found it necessary for the sharing of the Gospel. Regardless of what I am or am not wearing people usually seem to find me if they need me or are looking for something.  It’s one of those weird quirky things that comes with being a minister. When I was in seminary I wore a cross all the time. It was in a way a form of protection. There were days in seminary where I wasn’t certain God was there and I needed solid reminders of his presence and promise.

Today though I am wearing a cross. I woke up this morning and felt utterly compelled to. I blame the Quebec Charter of Values.

As a human being I am offended and insulted by this Charter of Values. Why can we not accept one another and love each other regardless of our beliefs and ideas.  I fail to see how someone wearing a hijab, turban, yarmulke or larger-than-average crucifix is hurting society or causing problems in the workplace.  While society may be secular, people are individuals and as long as they are doing their job what does it matter what they wear or how they demonstrate their faith? I really feel for those who will be forced into making a choice between their job and their faith.

Premier Pauline Marois said ”…I think we need to set clear guidelines for how we live together.” and I agree.  Clearly we do need guidelines for how we live together.  Living together implies acceptance, tolerance and understanding in my book.  These symbols of faith are not just symbols but in fact an expression of who people fundamentally are.  Asking people to hide that part of themselves and tuck it away while at work is saying we do not value you, nor do we accept you.

Today I wear my cross because I can and others cannot.  The freedom I have to express my faith and even have faith in the first place is one I am grateful for.

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Waterproof mascara and carrot cake.

12 Aug posted by

photo (65)

My son is almost 4. He survived surgery on his second day of life, pneumonia the week later and he tolerates his parents as they continue to insist daily that he needs to brush his teeth before bed. He’s a trooper. A child who beat the odds and came out smiling. He is a special little guy and technically this fall could be heading into the JK program at our local Christian school but we just didn’t think he was ready. X. is a little shy and delayed in speech so both his Dad and I were concerned about sending him to school. We thought he would need more support and encouragement than could be offered in a large classroom so we did some research, spoke with his doctor and speech therapist and found him a place in a daycare JK classroom in town.

Why am I telling you all this? Well today was his first day. I’m here alone in the house by myself during the day for the first time in four years. It’s so quiet. I’m a little nervous. Excited for him but scared too. I hope he likes it. I hope it’s stimulating enough. I hope he makes friends and wants to go back tomorrow. Change is hard, so very hard but it’s worth it.  At least I hope it is!

I have cake at the ready for our after school celebration. My waterproof mascara is on just in case there are tears. I’m proud of him, so very proud. To see all he has accomplished and all he’s over come in his short lifetime is wonderful. We are blessed, so very blessed.

 

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A Pinterest worthy life.

30 Jul posted by

The muffin

Yesterday in a moment of domesticity I decided to make Lemon Poppy Seed muffins. Seems benign, right? It should have been. It was my own fault really. I didn’t take out my glasses to read the recipe and used 5 tbsp of poppy seeds instead of 5 tsp. It doesn’t sound that bad but it turned a Lemon Poppy Seed muffin into a chewy, sticky mess. They looked pretty but it doesn’t really matter how nice it looks on the outside, what’s inside is what counts.

It really is what’s inside that counts. Think of it. Fresh warm bread has a marvellous texture inside. The soft lining of a favourite sweatshirt may not look appealing but feels delightful. The crisp clean linen sensation as you slide between the sheets could never be accomplished unless there was a between, an in the middle of, an inside.

The inside is what counts but in today’s world we often think that it’s the outside that matters. Who can blame us? Facebook has us posting pictures of ourselves when we look our absolute best. Food blogs look delicious but do the recipes really live up? Does anyone care? After all we spend our time looking at Pinterest instead of making something that we could enjoy in person. In our world it’s what’s on the outside that counts.

Jesus saw things a little differently. He saw through the trappings to the heart of the person. He knew that what was on the inside mattered.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Matthew 6:25

Life for Jesus was about more than food and clothing. Life was about the experience. Life was what you made of it. If you’re feeling the pressure to live a Pinterest worthy life, don’t. Jesus didn’t and neither should you. It’s not how things look, it’s who you are that counts.

Life isn’t about looking pretty, it’s about living well and a life well lived is messy and filled with mistakes. You’re hair might get messed up, you might throw too many poppy seeds into the mix and in the end wind up with a disaster but you lived and you’ll learn. Life is about more than what you have, it’s what you do and who you are on the inside.

Here’s to a life that’s messy, mixed up and wonderful; a life that’s well lived.

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Filed Under: Baking, Musings, Reflections

With wonder and awe…

29 Jul posted by

BIBLE

Every night my son and I gather together in his room to read before bed. He’s usually in his PJs, tucked underneath mounds of blankets. He waits for me to come with books and songs. It’s time together that I cherish. The quiet time. The time when he’s just about but not quite ready to face the end of the day. Lately he’s been very random in his book choices but one seems to be requested everyday, the Bible. It’s not actually the Bible. It’s Bible stories for boys but he’s really loving it so we read it together and he really seems engaged.

The other night while we were reading I got a surprise. When we turned the page and started in on the section surrounding Jesus’ death and resurrection he grabbed my face after I read “…he came back to life, so we can be God’s friends.” and said “wow……wow”.  His little brown eyes looked deep into my own and I was astounded by how amazed he was by this. He thought it was incredible and wanted me to know how incredible he found it.

We’ve read it (and other stories) since. He’s his normal everyday happy self who loves Monsters Inc and Thomas the Tank Engine. He bounces with each step and is fully engaged in life.  Nothing about him has changed but something within me has. His reaction, his wonder and thrill at the realization that Jesus is invested in him has really caused me to think about my investment in Jesus and the church.

I’ve found myself battling discouragement the last few months. There are days when I’ve wanted to throw in the towel and just sit at home knitting. But as is my life, every time I find myself seeking distance and find myself feeling frustrated by the church I am reminded somehow why it is I do what I do. This time the reminder came from my son. His wide open eyes filled with wonder and awe over this great gift remind me of the need for loving environments that share the Good News and hold children close. I am reminded of my responsibility to the next generation and I live in hope that we’ll be able to clean up some of the mess that lays within the church before we hand it off to them.

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