From Ministry to Motherhood

Becky Roushorne-Lau

My evening walks….

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Lately after the boys are in bed and my husband settles in for some reading I find myself sneaking out of the house and heading towards the lake. While I walk I mull over issues or contemplate plans.  Sometimes I listen to podcasts to learn a few things or just tune into a pleasant conversation.  It’s a nice time to deconstruct the day and embrace what is to come. Last night I had the lake to myself.  It would seem that the misty evening was too wet for most but it didn’t stop me.  The evening was beautiful and last night’s podcasts were particularly intriguing so I walked and walked while I listened.

Seeing as I’ve been enjoying podcasts so much I thought I would share a couple that have been interesting to me lately:

The first one I recommend to you is called Pray As You Go.  It’s a lovely worship filled time for those on the go. I suspect it’s meant for people on subways and buses, or in cars while traveling to work but last night while I was walking alone in the midst I found it to be particularly powerful. There is scripture and reflection, music and quiet built into a 15 minute window anyone can sneak into the day. I’ve found these small moments of reflection to be very nice in the evening.

The second one I walk along to is a newer podcast by Shauna Nieqiest.  There are only three episodes so far!  It’s just conversations and reflections on life, faith, relationships as well as books and food (because Shauna loves both of these things!). It feels like conversation and a comfortable gathering with friends.

Another one I quite like is the Canadian Church Leader’s Podcast.  Canada is a huge country with a lot of diversity and it’s very interesting to hear about people in Churches all over. It’s a time of change in the Church and we need to grow and stretch ourselves as we seek new ways of leading people and sharing the Gospel method. Hearing how others are navigating change and trying out new ways of existing as Christians within the Canadian context is helpful.

Now I ask what are you listening to?  Anything that I should check out?  

This is the day…

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We’re free! Well not entirely. I don’t think we’ll ever be entirely free but we’re almost free! X. has been given a drastic reduction in therapy hours. We’re able to plan some down time into our summer. We’ve been dreaming of the beach and of picnics, museums and hikes. We’re thinking of berry picking and farmers markets, perhaps even growing a little of our own produce.

I am thrilled now. Saturday I was a little worried after the cinnamon cloud descended upon me when the boys got into the ant repellant with a hand vac. I should be pleased I suppose that they’ve been listening to me. They know cinnamon is a natural repellent. They wanted to move it from it’s location at the doors edge. Surely blowing it with cinnamon was a good idea to them right?  After the day we had Saturday I was wondering what our summer was going to look like and if I would survive!

From the relief and excitement of Friday to the mad rush of keeping up with two energetic boys on Saturday who were determined to get into everything I wasn’t sure what the future would bring but each day brings something new. A new challenge, a new hope. A new idea or expectation. Yesterday brought peace and presence as we enjoyed worship, time with family and playing together as the day progressed. No day is the same as another and each day is a gift.

Today brings something altogether different from what the last few days I’ve lived. It’s quiet here. My boys are off to school and work while I am here waiting for servicemen to come. These large stretches of time in between visits where I can write, dream and plan out what is to come. When I first realized they were all coming on the same day I admit I was a little grumpy. After all Mondays are my days for errands and chores, laundry and productivity. Then I realized all those notes, those ideas, the writing I had planned could be done today while I wait. I have coffee beside me and more in the pot.  This time and space is a gift.

There is freedom ahead and it feels so nice. Today I choose the freedom of words and expression. This summer I will choose the freedom of days at the beach with two boys who dig and discover. Each day is the Lord’s day, a gift from him and I rejoice in this life. Some days I admit it’s easier to be glad. These days we are living right now are days of celebration and change. Other days bring pain and sadness.  On those days it can be much harder to rejoice. Whether or not it is a good day or bad each day brings breath and life, a gift of time and purpose. This gift of life is not one I wish to take for granted.

This is the day….

Of course it would happen like this…

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Our Sunday School has been talking about Easter and Jesus, signs of faith and what it all means for a couple of months now.  We’ve really dug into Jesus and who he was so I figured it was time to transition out of this into something new.  It’s one thing to hear about the resurrection but quite another to look at how the disciples reacted to this event.  I want to talk about Peter and Paul and go in some new directions.  I didn’t want to just spring it on them though so I decided to do a transitional unit.  I had planned a Sunday where we talked about Jesus and his reaction to everything.  We were going to discuss his reaction and his complete lack of desire for vengeance when he came back.

It’s all good to say “love your enemies” but another thing altogether when you are faced with an enemy.  Kids know this.  They have bullies they meet in the playground each day.  They are far less likely to hide their contempt either.  When they don’t like someone or someone is hurting them they will let you know.    I figured this would be a good topic for these reasons. After doing some work and getting everything all prepared I was quite ready to tell the kids they had to offer grace and really give people the benefit of the doubt, then it happened.

What happened you might ask?  The incident. The moment when I witnessed a Man drive away from my car after smashing into it. It was awesome. A living moment where I could practice offering grace and giving someone the benefit of the doubt. As I felt the frustration build, I remembered this lesson and decided to pray. My prayer wasn’t perfect, but I prayed and went about my business after complaining bitterly to my husband.  I never said I was perfect. Then yesterday afternoon while waiting for X. in the school parking lot when I notice that the man didn’t just scrape along the front portion of my car he also broke the mirror. {Sigh} Another moment to practice this whole loving our enemy thing.

Our Sunday School lesson was important for me. I’m not sure if the kids got anything out of it but I sure did. It is so much easier to love our family, our friends and people who do nice things for us. Loving others that we don’t know, who injure us or otherwise frustrate us is much harder.  It’s much harder yet it’s what we’re called to do and it really has the ability to impact the world around us.  When we offer grace instead of rage, we might be able to diffuse the situation at least from our side. When we offer the benefit of the doubt over accusations and outbursts, we bring peace into a stressful moment which helps us deal more graciously with others. It’s not always easy but when we practice it we really can see a change, even if that change is only within us.

I’m sure it’s not the only time I’ll have this lesson but I find it funny that it happened in a week when I was teaching on this very topic. What seemed at first to be a very straightforward lesson turned into something with more depth than I had expected.  Still it’s good, I’m working on this.  I’m nowhere near perfect but each time I look at my car {it’s not yet fixed} I am reminded of the need to remain calm, offer grace and to think the best of people and that’s a good thing, right?

your whole heart….

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The sun is shining.  My kitchen plants are growing like weeds as the sunshine and warmth it brings seems to have broken them out of their winter slumber. I’ve broken out the sandals and am refusing to believe it’s anything but sandal weather even if my feet get slightly cold from time to time. Today it just feels like the world is filled with growth and wonder. I know it’s Monday and some of you probably hate Mondays but I have always found Monday to be one of my more enjoyed days.  I love the feeling of a clean slate.  Mondays bring opportunities for action and preparation. Mondays are great!

I’m weird, I know but I believe that each day has possibilities for good. Even those hard days we cannot even look at have moments within that keep us going. The trick I think is how we view it. If we look at Monday as the first of five days to get through until the weekend it’s going to be a long road. On the other hand, if we look at Monday as the first of five days where we can work at living well, impacting others and truly engaging in life we begin to see each day as a gift.

Let’s not wish our lives away but instead embrace each day fully with whole hearts.  When we do that we impact the world in a positive way and can’t help but shape our communities as we go.  That’s a good thing, right?  It would seem that Mondays aren’t so bad after all…

Are you who you were created to be?

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Every Sunday morning I gather with the kids around some tables downstairs and we dig into scripture before we move onto the activities.  We’ve been busy lately learning about prayer, about big faith moments and discovering what the meaning of Jesus and his gift to us is.  It has been really fun to watch them grow and learn but the truth is I think I’ve learned the most.

You know that passage in scripture where Jesus says we need to become like little children?This one:

I think these kids have given me a new understanding of what Jesus might’ve meant. As we’ve been talking about death and life, transfiguration and prayer I find myself asking (often really) what the kids would do if they had this happen to them in real life. I’ll give you a few examples:

What would you do if an angel showed up on your doorstep?
What would you do if Jesus showed up right here, right now?
Would you be able to follow God’s direction if he told you not to say anything about a miracle you had witnessed?  (Transfiguration Sunday…)

Their answers are so uninhibited. They are so alive. They are exactly how we’re supposed to respond to life. What would you do if an angel showed up on your doorstep?  The answer is scream. What would you do if Jesus showed up right here, right now? The answer is freak out. Would you be able to follow God’s direction if he told you not to say anything about a miracle that happened in front of you.  The answer if no way, I would want to run and tell everyone!

They don’t lie. Well at least in Sunday School they don’t. They are honest and sincere in their reactions. They (like all of us) would freak out if something amazing happened and want to tell the world about it. They might scream if they met an angel. They would freak out and fall over if Jesus came into their presence. These kids don’t give me the rote answers you might expect. They are so honest and unafraid of anyone’s reactions. If you asked these questions at an adult Bible study I think you might get some different answers.

When was the last time you were honest with yourself regarding faith? Really honest and allowed yourself to ask questions when you didn’t know the answers.  Have you shown who you truly are to the world?  More to the point do you know who you are?  Society tells us who we should be but we need to take time to meet ourselves and discover who God created us to be!

We are called into a life of passion and purpose where we share things we love, stories of joy and sorrow.  But beyond this we are to share the great gifts we’ve been given so that others might know what it is to live in the truth. Imagine how different our lives would be if we allowed ourselves to let go of who we thought we should be and instead celebrated God and this great gift of life we’ve been given.

An unexpected journey

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An unexpected journey

***This was written as a kind of farewell to the national magazine of the Presbyterian Church in Canada as it prepares to end it’s run after 140 years in publication.  While I know that not all of you read it or are members of the PCC I thought I would cross post it as it has applications for other endings and beginnings.***

Cinnamon came in the mail for me today. So did a chapstick. It’s a very particular type of cinnamon, Ceylon.  The chapstick isn’t so specific but I needed a new one and the price was right. I went with the sweet mint variety after perusing a selection of chapsticks from the comfort of my couch. Shopping for our family is so very different than it was for my mother when she was my age raising a family. We can order our nuts in bulk online. I no longer have to go to that specific health food store to get cinnamon as Amazon.ca has it. I do try to support local business so I will go that health food store if I have time but lately it’s been hard to squeeze in outings for shopping when there are so many fun things to do like apple picking, bowling and building Lego. Times have changed from the days when you used to have to go places to get things done. Now you can choose to go. That choice really demonstrates how much life has evolved, changed and moved alongside our advances in technology.

While times are changing and moving at a faster rater than ever before I have always found comfort in the tradition mediums of books, magazines and newspapers. I love to feel the page, smell the ink and really sink into a moment of escape. Stories and their telling is so important to me. It is our stories that link us, that shape us and make us as communities. Stories define us and inspire us. They need to pour out from us into the community so that others might know, might hear that there are others with stories, others with experience, others who have lived and loved, lost and suffered.

Stories matter. The stories of the Record have mattered. They will continue to matter even after the magazine is gone as the stories we have read will stay with us. The stories that have challenged, inspired, encouraged and prompted are part of our fabric, woven into who we are and who we will become. Yet as much as it is a part of us, it is time to say goodbye to this way of storytelling. It’s not an easy goodbye. We give thanks as we look back for the years of connection, meditation and challenge it has provided. This old friend that has for years unified and divided (depending on the month and it’s features) will be missed.

I’ve spent the better part of this week building a Hobbit house with my son out of Lego. It’s quite intricate and I am mostly the extra eyes when X. can’t figure out where a piece goes. The Hobbit is a story which at its heart speaks to an individual’s faith in himself and his discovery that what he thought he couldn’t do, he in fact could. We as a community are a bit like Bilbo, headed on an unexpected journey into a future we weren’t expecting. None of us wanted this. We weren’t expecting it quite so soon I imagine. We may feel unsettled, homesick even when we think of what is in the past, but it isn’t the past any longer. The world in which we live is filled with new things, new ministries and new opportunities.  Our future has the potential to be one of grand adventure, challenge and opportunity if we allow ourselves to become the people we are created to be.

This itself is hard. Becoming the people we are created to be means letting go of who we are. In many ways this is the beginning of our quest. The beginning of the journey that God has called us to. It may not be easy. There will be times when we want to be selfish and return home to what we know but we are being called into new things, unexpected things and it is time for us to answer that call or accept that we have chosen to go another way. We must move out of our comfort and into the world sharing our stories.  We must begin sharing our stories and telling others how Jesus is different, how grace and love are available.  We must be present in this world in a way we never have been.

Our stories must be told. Our lives are living reflections of the grace and love that is offered regardless of who we are and what we have done. All of us, each one of us is an important piece in the story that is the people of God and we need to continue sharing the Good News with people, we need to continue to find ways to share our stories of love and hope, pain and suffering, grace and community as in this overly connected world we seem more disconnected than ever.

A new thing is coming for us if we are willing to see that newness, new ways of being are as real and as authentic as what has gone before. We may find ourselves confused and perplexed at first, longing for what we know but it is time for a new thing.  It is time for us to move with God, actively looking for new ways to connect and share lest we find ourselves left in the past, isolated and alone. If we don’t actively engage in this world we will find ourselves inactive, ineffective in this time and place.

Think about the retail market I was talking about earlier. When I was younger my Mom could go to Eatons’s and get most everything from housewares to clothing for us all.  She would go to Zehrs and get our food.  We had one stop shopping that needed to be accessed with a stop.  Now things are different, Eatons is closed and Sears moved in and Sears, that multinational corporation which used to thrive in the marketplace is now struggling due to it’s failures to adapt and update it’s accessibility.

We’re being called out, out of what we know and into something new.  We are being called out and we have an opportunity to move ahead or stay behind.  We can choose to adapt and grow or we can stay stagnant and drift.  As we say goodbye to the Record, let us give thanks for what it has done and has given us but let us not get stuck in the sadness that comes at the end of things.  Instead let us feel the sadness and then move ahead with great hope in the new opportunities that lie ahead and the new vision God has for us now. God is always doing something new, moving somewhere in this world and it is our responsibility to move with him, following and ministering as he would have us in this moment.

Goodbye old friend. I will miss the conversations as I knew them. I will miss the conversations but I look forward with anticipation to what God has in store if we allow ourselves to leave, if we allow ourselves move out of our Hobbit Holes and into a world of grand adventure and new mission. Will you come along on an unexpected journey?

For I am about to do something new.
    See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
    I will create rivers in the dry wasteland. Isaiah 43:19 (NLT)

 

When life moves quickly

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clippings
We’ve had a busy fall. Our constant effort to stay ahead of the ‘stuff monster’ means that the baby things are all packed away and ready to move to a new home where new families will love them. Clothing has been swapped and bought as legs are getting longer so we sought out new jeans and looked for longer sweaters. As tiny bodies grow more food is needed and we’ve discover new likes and dislikes. The teeth falling out of my eldest son’s mouth has changed the look of him forever. He’s a little man now. Neither boy is tiny anymore though the littlest is still my baby.  I’m not ready to surrender that yet.

Honestly it feels as though time passes too quickly and as I think back to the days when these boys were teeny tine I realize I wouldn’t go back as I love who they are now but I admit I want to press pause, to sink into the now and really see the colours of our days. The vivid primaries that blend into one another creating swirls of emotion and memory. I want to sink into this moment because one blink and it’s gone, we’re off doing another thing in another time.

Life is moving quickly. Too quickly I might say. In my tidying efforts I found some of my Gran’s secret clippings that were passed along to me. Hidden in the depths of her jewellery drawers they were meant to inspire her living and these clippings remind me of who she wanted to be, what she was striving to do with her moments. One of them says “We have to be willing to sit, be present, be kind and compassionate, and follow the Spirit’s leading.” I like this but it says to turn to pg 15 for more and I do not have page 15. I wish I could call her. To hear what she thought of page 15. It’s hard when there is no more time with the people we love. It’s hard when we want just one more conversation, one more moment to cherish. There isn’t enough time to do everything. There isn’t enough time to love as much as we would like, to live as fully as we should. In these quotes though I see the reminders I need to make the most of it:

Sit.

Be present.

Be kind.

Be compassionate.

Follow.

Life is moving too quickly but I can do these things. I can sit. I can sit and be present. I can practice kindness and compassion. Then after I sit I can go; I can follow. Life is moving quickly but maybe if I live this way I will be present as it moves. I will see those colours I long to engage with and remember more vividly this life as I journey through it. I will sit. Will you sit with me? Shall we watch the colours of life dance and swirl around us as we live present in this moment, aware that it is a gift for which we should be thankful?

Kindness

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KindnessToday a true act of kindness came my way. I went into my local coffee shop while out running around to get those last minute things for the Women’s Retreat I am leading on the weekend. Honestly I just needed a moment of peace and tranquility as the last month has been crazy with all of the extra work we’ve been doing. There have been times when I’ve found myself wishing that house elves were real and that they could be hired on a temporary basis. It’s an exciting season but a little overwhelming as we adjust to new programs, new plans and new directions for our two young boys. I just wanted a Pumpkin Chai Latte to get me through to the afternoon as I went home to finish preparations for the weekend.

Walking up to the counter I was greeted pleasantly and then when I asked for my beverage of choice was met with an “I’m sorry we’re out”. Devastation and sadness met my heart in that moment when I realized I had to make another choice.  What would I order?  Who would I be in this instant?  I’m not a regular there anymore since having kids has funnelled my excess cash into different streams and I find it hard to make choices quickly.  I’m the person who thinks about her order before she goes in. It’s just what I do.

I should not have been concerned however as the the barista quickly took over when she realized I was at a loss. She kindly offered up a creation of her own design and even suggested topping it off with some whipped cream. I don’t do dairy as it doesn’t agree with me but before I could even say no thank you another barista stepped in and said “She never has whip.  She doesn’t do dairy.” Listening intently the barista assisting me got to work and whipped up something divine.  I left feeling cared for and noticed. It was a really nice moment in my day.

I was impressed and grateful for the service I received today but it stood out in my mind as more than just an action of customer service. These people who helped me today were providing community, care and recognition of who I am as an individual.  To take the time to help me out is their job but to do so with grace and kindness while remembering small details that I don’t know if I could is something to be admired and respected.

To take the time to help me out is their job and really it’s our job too. Our job as Christians is to reach out into the world and touch peoples’ lives with light, grace and truth. Through how we live we can make a difference and really help others feel valued and important and it doesn’t take much. In this simple moment I felt encouraged and cared for. It’s often the simplest of moments that change peoples day and impact them for the better. The next time you leave your house remember you have the power to change someone’s day for the better. A smile on your face or a kind word could in fact be what makes someone’s day. Now get out there and change the world for the better!!!

Organizing thoughts.

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cookies My thoughts are a little disorganized this week. Anyone who enters my home could see that. I’ve decorated for Autumn. I’ve made cookies and homemade pizza with fresh cashew mozzarella. I have tidied the front hall and organized my shoes. I’ve held dance parties with my boys and built cities out of blocks. I tend to distract myself when I can’t quite find a starting point. We’ve had fun though and I’ve been productive. I’m still not where I want to be with regards to sermon prep but honestly I’m ok with it as it will come together.  If you do the work it does come together. Some weeks take longer than others and some sermons take a little more musing but I have found that if you let your thoughts and notes sit for an extra day instead of forcing the words to come it works out better in the end.

What does this have to do with you? Well maybe nothing but if you are like me perhaps this is will serve as the reminder you need to allow yourself a break when things aren’t quite working the way you want. Often it’s in allowing ourselves time to do something completely different that the answers come and our issues seem to find new solutions and different paths. Life’s funny that way. Alternatively if you’re moving along nicely with no issues or need to stop, stop anyways. Enjoy a few moments to yourself and have a dance party. The energy you get from stepping back will only fuel you that much more as you travel forward.

Summer crashes into fall…

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Scarf

As summer crashes into fall we continue to feel the heat as we’re trying to switch gears and move in new directions.  I find myself knitting in shorts with the air conditioning still occasionally popping on. I am daydreaming of yarn and sweaters and pumpkins while simultaneously enjoying the beauty of these extra sun filled days. I’m stretched. There is tension in the air and I think tension is good. As people we are pulled daily and forced in to moments of decision just in being alive.  Will I wear shorts or pants? Do my socks go with this outfit? Should I choose my needs over the others needs?

Ok that last one has real consequences. Sometimes those decisions can be as benign as what’s for dinner. When I pick lasagna over pizza when we had pizza yesterday I think we all win but what if it held more importance? What if my decisions could impact lives? What if they could impact a community?

Everyday we make decisions that do impact our communities. Where we shop, eat, worship, play and live all plays a roll in how we see and interact with this world. So often our routines become so habitual that we fail to meet new people. We fail to see where people in our community are at, what they are doing and who they actually are. When we become this habitual our ‘circles of hospitality’ otherwise know as the people we associate with become stagnant and closed. We don’t make room for new people. We leave out those we don’t know.

This habitual existence is comfortable. Having dinner with friends feels good. Knowing our grocery store clerk is pleasant. Being greeted by the owner at our favourite restaurant makes us feel valued. All of these things lead to comfort and comfort leads to stagnation and stagnation leads to….I don’t want to say death but lets just say not good things.

When a pond is stagnant it dies. When a life is stagnant it fails to have impact.  As Christians we are called into a life of impact and a life of living boldly breaking free from our Circles of Hospitality.  We are the branches and we are to grow into the communities in which we live offering truth, hope and encouragement to those we meet.  It’s not an easy life but it’s an impactful one.

In the Christian life tension is present constantly. Decisions must be made and lives will be changed because of them. We are called to break free from a life that is comfortable and known to us and move into a world filled with unknowns and risks. There are no certainties when we follow Christ beyond his truth and his truth is not easy. His truth is hard. We are called to take up our cross. We are told to love the unloveable. We are forced to move beyond ourselves and walk into the world so that the world might know his light.

These things are not easy but they are worth it. It’s not always fun but it is fulfilling and more importantly impactful. Isn’t that the kind of life we should want to live?

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